BREAKING NEWS: Bras Are Evil!

Oh. My. God. We’ve been played for boobs!…

From Counsel & Heal, Christine Hsu reporting, we learn the horrific [but titillating] news [tip of the fedora to Matt 'Bazoombas' Drudge]:

Women have long been told that a good bra can help support the chest, relieve back pain and prevent sagging. However, a new 15-year French study reveals the opposite: bras do little to reduce back pain and, over time, they can actually make breasts sag even more.

Researcher Prof. Jean-Denis Rouillon, a sports science expert from the University of Besançon in eastern France claims that "bras are a false necessity," according to The Local.

"Medically, physiologically, anatomically – breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity," said Rouillon. "On the contrary, they get saggier with a bra."

I’ve long told anyone who would listen that: Gravity is your friend.

According to The Connexion, the findings suggest that breasts would gain more tone and support themselves [Bob: I've been supporting them for years!] if no bra was used. Researchers explain that bras limit the growth of supporting breast tissues, leaving the breast to wither and degrade more quickly.

The study found that women who took off their bras for good experienced a 7mm lift in their nipples each year [Bob: !] they didn’t wear a bra. Researchers also found that bra-less women developed firmer breasts and saw their stretch marks fade [Bob: !!].

Do you hear that, ladies? Let your major-league yabbos roam free! As free as the wind goes!

More:

However, Rouillon says the findings do not mean all women should throw away their bras.

"It would be dangerous to advise all women to stop wearing their soutien-gorge as the women involved were not a representative sample of the population," Rouillon said, according to The Connexion.

While his initial results "validated the hypothesis that the bra is a false ‘need’," he says that women who have been wearing bras for a long time would not gain any benefit from stopping now.

Says you, you cheese-eating surrender monkey who smells like Limburger.

It seems to me that the fact that this Frog did not use a representative sample of the female population requires that, once again, the Americans have to step-in and do this thing right.

Rest assured that TCOTS News will stay on top of this swelling situation [though, occasionally, we will let the it be on top, IYKWIMAITYD].

SPECIAL MESSAGE: I, Dr. Robert Oswald Belvedere, OB-GYN / OB-BUNGA-BUNGA, am calling on my colleagues, Dr. Robert Stacy McCain, OB-GYN and Dr. Dan ‘Dano’ Collins, OB-CHUBBA, and Dr. Clyde ‘Fingers’ Proctor, OB-SCAT, to join me for an emergency meeting in the Chesty Morgan Conference Room at The Collins-McCain Institute for Therapeutic Breast Staring this evening to discuss the matter and drink heavily — I’ll bring the samples.