Pepto Dismal [Science]

Hey, all you leaf-eating primates [ex: gorillas, vegetarians, etc.] out there…listen up: global warming…er…climate change could give you indigestion!

From The Times Of India, we learn:

Global warming-induced indigestion could threaten the existence of mountain gorillas and other leaf-eating primates, suggests a new study.

Experts predicted that the annual temperatures are expected to rise by 2 degrees Celsius by mid-century in some climate models and higher temperatures could lead the animals to inaction, and spending more time lounging in the shade to avoid overheating.

Principal investigator Amanda Korstjens, a biological anthropologist at Bournemouth University in the U.K, and colleagues said sitting mountain gorillas and African colobines, a large group of species including colobus monkeys, combined with less nutritious food, may push the animals to extinction.

William Teach, commander of The Pirate’s Cove, is not impressed:

Models. Um hum. Ok. Sure. Got proof? You know, hard, physical proof? Substantive? Something other than garbage in garbage out in your crystal ball? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Primates have so far survived much hotter and much colder temperatures over the millions of years they have been around, I think they could handle a 2C increase. Unless they are Democrat primates, and need someone to take care of them. If not, then it is Darwin in action. You libs believe in Darwin, right? Survival of the fittest?

When it comes to monkeys and gorillas, I agree Admiral, but what about the vegetarians?  I mean, they all look so pale and drawn all the time; it looks like just a stiff wind could blow them over.  I mean, the government HAS TO DO SOMETHING for these poor People of Tofu Color!!!